My Kid Is Better Than Your Kid

Okay, so I am starting to worry that I will have a very difficult time getting along with most other parents. What is up with all the competition? It's like people can't help themselves. Our kids are really still just babies, and it's already a contest about how old they are and how much they weigh and who is walking and talking first and better. Who can sign and who can speak and who is at the Montessori school and which horrible parents send their kids to regular daycare. Daycare! The thought! You just know those kids are gonna be messed up!

Good grief.

One of my favorite things to do is take the twins to a local cafe and let them toddle around. It really freaks people out because they are so small. I can't tell you the number of surprised looks we've gotten, followed by a, "How old are they?" I want to start saying they're nine months just to really mess with people. People did this at the pool as well, perhaps because our kids are so into swimming already. They'll kick and float and jump off the sides of the pool. (Little baby jumps, really, but good enough.) "How old are they?" It seems that often people aren't asking these questions because they're trying to make friends. They're asking because they want to size up your kid so they can compare them to theirs. What for?

I hate telling people how old the Fabertids are, because it's almost always followed by, "Oh. They're really small, aren't they?" Groan. Somewhat frequently this comment is followed by things like, "How much do they weigh? My son/daughter/grandchild/niece/nephew/goldfish weighs 50 pounds already and he/she/it is only such-and-such age!" I wish I had the nerve to say, "Good for you. Clearly your kid is better than my kid." I'm just not that into bragging about my children to people who don't really care. So basically anyone we're not related to.

The other thing we get hassled about is that we haven't taught our kids to sign. Don't get me wrong. I think baby sign language can be a great thing. We started to do it. Xander was teaching them a handful of signs for several weeks, but they just didn't seem at all into it. And they're pretty good at communicating to us by using words and sounds and the signs they've already made up themselves. I mean, really. There's no mistaking the gimme fingers. Plus I feel like if they're so into vocalizing, why would I want to teach them not to?

I just don't think any of this stuff really matters.

Our only goal with raising our children is to teach them to find happiness and to care for themselves and those around them. I get so bored with conversations about how to make them into baby geniuses. I can't stand the parents who say, "You have to do this thing or that thing if you want them to be like this or that." I think it's bullshit. I think you can send your kid to Montessori school and still find plenty of other ways to fuck up as a parent. Your kid may walk first or talk first and still struggle through life. It's not about all that stuff, all those little things. It's about the whole kid. My whole kids are wonderful. And I don't need to know what your kid is doing in order to feel that way.

Besides, I'm small and I turned out all right. Didn't I?

Oh shit.

Luna's Doppelganger

Imagine relaxing in your living room one morning, looking out the window, and seeing someone who looks exactly like you staring right back. That'd freak me out for sure.


The neighbor cat seemed utterly baffled.

Two Videos We're Presently Obsessed With



Thanks for reminding me of that clip from Jeeves and Wooster, Katie. And then there's this, which we discovered thanks to a gift from my cousin Robin.

Baby Jail

One of the most common questions we get about the kids, even from people who don't have children of their own, is if they are sleeping well. It seems everyone has heard that if you have babies, they don't like to sleep. There's some truth to this, especially with twins. Our kids would much rather stay up babbling to each other and throwing toys than sleep. Unfortunately for them, they do not yet have the ability to power through sleepy moments in order to get things done.

I'm always a little embarrassed when people ask how long they nap. Because it's not really the right question with twins. The right question is, "How long do you put them in their cribs?" With two in the same room, being in the crib does not necessarily equate to sleeping. We've experimented with morning naps and afternoon naps and using both, and what we've ended up with is that our kids are in baby jail from 8:30am to 10:00am and from 12:30pm to 3:30pm. Crazy, right? That's 4 1/2 hours every day. I hardly ever see them! By the time I get them up in the afternoon, I've forgotten what they look like.

The thing is, their relationship has developed to a point now that they are really becoming playmates. It's wonderful, especially since at first their relationship consisted mostly of pushing and hitting and biting whichever one was getting attention at any given time. So each time they go down for a nap, they spend 45 minutes to an hour talking to each other before they go to sleep. If they wake up before it's time to get out of bed, they talk some more. Their conversations are riveting:

Henry: Bah bah bah bah laddle laddle bah

Yona: Dee dee dee dee dee! Oooooooh. Ooo--

Henry: DAH! Dah duh dat dat dat!

Yona: Doo doo doo ooooooh.

Henry: Dah duh dah duh...

Seriously, who could possible sleep with such interesting topics to discuss?

And Now a Word From 5-7-5

It seems I'm not the only person who used to work in Lower Manhattan that finds this "mosque" argument ridiculous.

The "Mosque at Ground Zero" or Shut the Fuck Up and Go Find Yourselves Some Real Problems

I am becoming increasingly sad and frustrated over the number of people who are making such a fuss about the Islamic cultural center being built in Lower Manhattan. Note that I did not say "the mosque being built at Ground Zero," because there's no such thing. First of all, it's not a mosque. It's going to be something like The Y, only run by Muslims instead of Jews or Christians. (Not that it should matter, honestly.) And it isn't at Ground Zero. It's just in the same neighborhood. People who are offended by the existence of Islam--who should be ashamed of themselves, honestly--wouldn't even have to walk by it to get to the World Trade Center. They may, however, have to walk by some strip clubs and fast food joints.

People are saying "building a mosque at Ground Zero" is like the Germans building next to a Jewish cemetery and other nonsense. How outrageous! First of all, directly or indirectly comparing 9/11--a one-off terrorist attack executed by a few people--to the systematic persecution and murder of millions of Jews over a period of several years is ridiculous. Secondly, I bet you none of the people saying such things have ever actually been to Germany. Or Poland. Or the Czech Republic. Where any number of things are constructed around Jewish cemeteries, death camps, and the like. Life goes on, as they say. Moreover, if I learned anything while working at a Holocaust Museum it's that we owe it to ourselves, our children, and our neighbors to understand and avoid stereotyping and discrimination against groups of people. The museum where I worked wasn't just interested in teaching people not to persecute Jews but in teaching people not to persecute anybody. So stop using the Jews as a crutch for your lame-ass arguments. Most of them aren't on your side. Hell, I bet most Manhattanites aren't on your side. And they live there.

Why are some people so incapable of spotting their own bigotry? And when called out on it, why are they so desperate to defend it? I don't watch any television news--I prefer to read mine--but I did like this clip from Keith Olbermann:



I think this "problem" was trumped up by a few reporters and politicians with questionable ethics and broken moral compasses. It's embarrassing. I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I wish they'd go back to trying to prove that Obama isn't an American citizen. At least then their bile was directed at an individual who chose a life in the public spotlight instead of an entire group that consists largely of families just trying to live good lives. Ugh.

New Pillows

It's not so much that I don't have enough time to do anything other than raise babies. It's just that my brain is fried by the time those free moments roll around. (Which is why there's not much substantial writing going on over here these days.) Luckily, it takes very little in the way of brain power to make pillows. I made a few floor pillows awhile back, and they are a hit.



In other Dinkee news, the twins are all about the shoes now. Even if we're not going anywhere, they will frequently bring me their shoes and request that I put them on. Henry is climbing anything and everything, and we expect Yona will be running all over the place within a month. She things walking is the coolest and will request practice sessions every day. Her favorite game is to practice getting her balance before walking over to the floor pillows and collapsing onto her face. We think it's a pretty fun game, too.

They Say Bucolic? I Say Badass.

This has got to be one of the coolest houses I've ever seen.


Thank you, New York Times, for once again encouraging that deadly sin of envy.

Perspective

My dear friend over at 5-7-5 was treated to a healthy dose of perspective last week, and I was grateful she passed it along:

A determined crowd
Tears through garbage bags, culling
What can be salvaged

Look here for an explanation.

Three Months Ago...

I feel like a complete sap, but I can't help but pause for a moment to remember that three months ago today, we were doing this for the first time:


Somewhat appropriately, we had a follow-up visit with our pediatrician yesterday. The twins are growing fast and right on target developmentally. When the nurse told me they'd each gained three pounds in just over a month, it was all I could do not to shriek with joy and start jumping up and down like a school girl. The Fabertids are finally healthy. Completely healthy. And while I think a lot of that vitality comes from them, from the strength they were born with and probably inherited from their Ethiopian mother, I felt immense satisfaction that all of the energy I had put into stuffing them full of healthy-but-fattening foods paid off. It reminded me of an essay a friend wrote a couple of years ago in which she described her feelings about watching her daughter grow from a tiny little football into a healthy, chubby baby. She said, "I was proud of what I had done, I think more so than I ever felt before that time." Yeah. Me, too.

TWINNED!

This one goes out to all the people who have said, "Really? They're twins? They don't look that much alike."

In Which I Annoy You By Going On and On About the Wonders of Cloth Diapering

There are a few mommy-blog-type posts I've been meaning to do, and this is one of them. I really don't want this place to turn into a mommy blog, but we've gotten so many comments regarding cloth diapering that I feel compelled to do a post about it.

Honestly, most of the comments we've gotten have ranged from nasty to negative. People love to say things like, "Oh, we'll see how long that lasts!" I don't know why, but most parents seem to feel like they are in the middle of some kind of parental pissing contest, and mentioning cloth diapers sets off people's sense of competition. I once used the phrase "doing cloth diapers" to my husband in the presence of another mother, and she interrupted our conversation to say in her most cynical tone that we're "brave" and then went on to tell us that she's going to make all of her son's baby food from scratch. As though by mentioning cloth diapers in her presence we were challenging her to a duel of parental love. Because we think, you know, if you really love your children you will catch all of their by-products gently in the palm of your hand and comment on their beauty before having a ceremonial burial in the backyard. (And by no means should you ever allow a drop of processed food to pass through your baby's lips!) I never care whether or not whomever I'm talking to is cloth diapering or anything else until they get rude about my choices. When people do get snarky about it, I'm suddenly compelled to point out what lazy assholes they are.

It's no big secret that we care about the environment. We know that by living in America we are going to have an impact on it. We buy stuff. We use stuff. We throw stuff away. But there are certain things we are willing to do to lessen that impact. It's why we try to buy local food from small farms and bakeries and dairies. Why we do try to limit the amount of processed food we buy. Why we don't own a car even though everyone thinks we're crazy. Why we recycle everything we possibly can. Why we're switching to biodegradable cat litter and composting. Why we shop at thrift stores and buy used books (most of the time). And it's why we were appalled when we realized just how many diapers we were going to be throwing away in the course of a year if we didn't cloth diaper. Because no matter what those studies say--you know, the ones funded by companies that make disposable diapers--in most areas cloth diapering is easier on the environment. Since we live in an area that currently has an adequate water supply, cloth diapering seemed like the most ethical option.

But the real reason we chose cloth is cost. For the first month, while we were traveling in Ethiopia and moving, we used disposable. In that amount of time, we spent the same amount of money on disposables that we spent on ALL of our cloth diapering supplies. We're saving enough by cloth diapering to pay for a vacation or two, at least. To me, that's worth a little inconvenience.

I thought cloth diapering would feel like a sacrifice we were making for our budget and the environment. Actually, it turns out we really like it. For one thing, they don't smell completely foul like disposables do when they are soiled. Most of the time you can't even tell it's time for a new diaper without looking. For another, we aren't having nearly the leak problems we had with disposables. Before we started cloth, we were losing an outfit or two a day. Not any more. And we like the fact that our kids' skin isn't constantly in contact with that freaky chemical gel stuff they put in diapers. Does anyone really even know what that stuff is? I'm told it's so completely inorganic that it won't even burn in a fire.

We bought enough diapers that we only have to wash them twice a week, and since we have a washing machine in our house that's no big deal. I spend about five or ten minutes each night preparing the diapers for the next day--about 6 per child--and that's it. It's totally not the chore I thought it would be. So I'm posting some notes about how we do it in case anyone reading this is interested in trying it. Cloth diapering has come a long way in the past several years. Really, it's not crazy. It's not even that hard. You can do it.

- There are about a million different covers and "diapering systems" out there. My suggestion would be to try a few different covers before you buy a whole bunch. We ended up with three different kinds and bought more of the ones we liked best. Different diapers fit different babies in different ways, so what worked for one person may not work as well for you. You can read reviews at Diaper Pin, but so far the ones people seem to like most for fit and price seem to be BumGenius and Thirsties.

- We started with BumGenius 3.0, Econobum, and Omaiki. We ended up liking all of them pretty well, but Econobum is our workhorse diaper. It's a very cheap, simple cover made of PUL fabric that you use with a cotton prefold diaper or microfiber insert. My favorite combination is actually the BumGenius insert with the Econobum cover, but we have mostly cotton prefolds because those are most affordable. We use them most of the time.

- We like the BumGenius and Omaiki pocket diapers for when we're out and don't want to mess with prefolds. The pocket diapers are also great for when people are babysitting and feel overwhelmed by prefolds. The pocket diapers have an interior pocket in which you put a fluffy insert. While it's easier to use when putting the diaper on and taking it off, I don't like the added work of stuffing and unstuffing the pocket. Prefolds are actually a little faster for this reason, especially since I (usually) fold them all when they come out of the wash so they're ready to go when we need them.

- I recommend diaper liners. We started off using proper diaper liners manufactured specifically for use with cloth diapers. We quickly learned that a high-quality paper towel is cheaper and does the job just as well. We use Viva paper towels as liners now. The liner saves a bunch of time because it catches solid waste, plus it means you can use diaper cream when needed without ruining your diapers. You can toss the liner into the garbage or into the toilet. It's still some waste, but much less than if you were using a whole disposable diaper.

- We make our own wipes, which saves us even more money. Besides, if we're already washing diapers, then why not wash wipes, too? We bought a giant pack of baby wash cloths at Target for about $5 and also cut up an old receiving blanket for the rest. (A friend made some really nice ones out of flannel fabric and some brightly colored thread, but I was too lazy for that.) We make solution for them by putting a squirt of shampoo or dish soap in a tub (an old plastic wipes box in this case), a drizzle of olive oil, and a few drops of tea tree oil, then we fill it about half way with water. This solution works great for us, but you can also use just plain water. Each day we drop a handful of wipes into the solution and use them throughout the day. I make new solution every second or third day. You can't let the solution sit too long because it will grow stuff eventually, but it's fine for a few days.

- You no longer soak cloth diapers. Ours go into a large "wet bag" that we put into a tall trash can with one of those lids that opens when you step on the pedal. Super easy. We have a large plastic bucket from the hardware store that we use if the wet bag gets full before we're ready to wash.

- We wash diapers about every three days. (The manufacturers say to wash every other day...but we don't.) We wash once on cold with detergent and once on hot with detergent, then we do an extra rinse in cold water. You do have to use a detergent without additives or enzymes. We use Claudia's Choices right now, but when that runs out (if ever--those tubs are HUGE), we'll switch to Planet.

- We've started using gDiaper refills for when we travel. (If we're just out for the day, we still use our pocket diapers and bring them home to wash.) The gDiaper refills are flushable and compostable. For flushing, you just soak them in the toilet for a few minutes, then flush. Or you can just toss them knowing that they'll at least biodegrade faster than other disposables. If you're really serious you can take them home and compost them, but I don't know anyone who actually does that.

- Even though I love cloth diapering, I'm not sure I would have started with it right away if I'd had our kids since birth, especially with twins. Newborns go through a ton of diapers, and I'm not sure it would have been worth it to me to cloth diaper newborn twins. Keep in mind that even if you didn't start off with cloth, you can still switch to cloth later and save tons of money.

- I think the one- and two-size covers make the most sense if your main motivation for cloth diapering is to save money. All of ours are one-size, and so far so good. The twins are now using the same setting, which makes everything a whole lot easier.

- You can find diaper covers and other diapering supplies used online (Ebay and Craigslist are good places to look) and save some cash that way. Or ask around to see if anyone is getting rid of covers or prefolds or whatever.

So that's it. That's my contribution on cloth diapering. If you've ever thought about trying it, even if you are currently using disposables, you should definitely give it a go. You'll save enough money in just a few months (or less) to justify the investment. I'm really glad we did, because it turns out most of my preconceptions about cloth diapering were utterly false. And I never would have known if I hadn't tried it.