Pissy, Passing Time

I have been keeping pretty busy lately. In no particular order, I made a pile of baby pants, reupholstered a curved-back(!) rocking chair, reupholstered two ottomans and gave them film-canister feet, crocheted baby hats, finally finished a blanket I've been working on for months, made two crib liners, made two kimono-style tops with matching pants (one for a friend), and made matching outfits for the twins (not yet photographed). Here is the associated documentation:












You'd think all this busy-ness would keep me fairly well distracted from the waiting and waiting and waiting for a court date, but it doesn't. We keep getting lousy news on that front. Power and internet outages combined with an expansion at our orphanage mean no baby updates and very slow court scheduling. We just found out that the US embassy has lengthened the wait between court and embassy appointments (read: travel), which means that even if we get our court date assigned today, it will probably still be a few months before we go to Ethiopia. MONTHS.

Someone reading this is just about ready to say, "Oh, but when you meet your babies for the first time, you'll forget blah blah blah." But we're moving soon, and if we don't wrap this up pretty quickly we are going to have to re-do our home study and most of the rest of our dossier, which means finding an all-new home study agency among other things. And I'm not even exaggerating. The new place will be much better for the kids, but USCIS doesn't just take your word for it. You have to prove it to them. Yes, if we get a court date soon we should have the kids home before the move, but nothing is guaranteed, and it feels like hoping for the best just leads to disappointment. Every time we think we're getting somewhere, someone says, "Just one more thing," or, "There has been a delay." For so long, we've walked around with our internal monologues begging, "Pleeeaaaaase. Pleeeaaaaaaaase," on a loop. I have no doubt that these kids are worth it--if we didn't believe that we wouldn't be doing this--but I just wish these last stages of the process were handled more efficiently for our sake and theirs. Basically, I feel like I used to feel when I ran the 400m in high school. Somewhere around 300m, I'd always think about quitting. I knew I wouldn't quit, and I knew I'd feel great at the end of the race, but down in that last curve I always thought about giving up. What would happen if I just ran right off the track and went back home?

The stress of these last few stages on top of other obstacles in our life is really starting to get to both of us, even Xander, who used to be perpetually cheerful and optimistic.

During this time, I'm also reminded how lucky we are, relatively speaking, and this provides comfort. Our friends in Montreal have been absolutely wonderful to us while we wait, for which we are immensely grateful. They really seem to "get" what we are going through, and without them this process would have been unbearably lonely. They've thrown us a baby shower, played games with us, invited us to parties, gone to hockey matches with us, gone shopping for baby supplies with us, and lent us distracting books and DVDs. In large part, they have provided that sense of anticipation and excitement that one should have when awaiting the arrival of new family members, something I'm not sure we would have experienced without their support. So as I'm asking for yet one more thing from the world, I also want to express gratitude for what we've already been given. (Thanks, guys.)

Having all of this and wanting more makes me feel like a selfish, whiny bitch. I'm very aware that I'm allowing my wants to get the better of me right now. The path to enlightenment is longer for some of us.

Please, Universe, send us a court date. Soon. Please.